Infidelity Counseling

Arguably, there is no emotional wounding as painful as the discovery that your partner has been unfaithful. Many betrayed partners liken it to the same kind of grief they’d feel at the death of a loved one.

Couples counseling for affair recovery   

One of the most pressing questions couples who seek affair recovery counseling will consider is this one: 

In light of the affair, is our marriage/relationship even worth saving? 

That may sound like a simple yes/no question, but actually, it’s anything but. It’s a question fraught with complexity, a question that requires other questions to be answered first, and it’s a question that can evoke intense emotions in both partners.

The knee-jerk reaction to finding out about the affair may be, “I can’t stay with him/her.” 

The mind does its best to protect us in times of trauma, and sometimes that means shutting down hope, prospects of growth, or the possibility of the future. But often possibility can take root, even in an incremental way, when the mind stops reeling from shock.

If the partner who cheated has ended the affair, and if both partners want to save the relationship, the work of couples therapy for affair recovery can begin.

Infidelity counseling is a particular form of marriage or couples counseling. The counseling work should focus on the emotional fallout of the betrayal trauma — this includes addressing and helping to stabilize any intrusive thoughts the betrayed partner maybe struggling with about the affair; working with intense anger, anxiety/insecurity and depression that may follow; taking the steps needed to rebuild trust; as well as exploring the dynamics that made the unfaithful spouse/partner vulnerable to betraying someone s/he loves.

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When it comes time to choose a therapist…

There isn’t one therapist that will work for everyone. 

You might have certain criterion when choosing a psychologist or therapist — information you’d like to have before setting up an initial appointment: 

• How much experience does s/he have? 
• Has s/he worked with the issue(s) that bring me to therapy? 
• What therapy approach does s/he use and how might this approach benefit me?  

The information you gather from a potential therapist’s website may be enough for you to take the next step in setting up an initial appointment. If not, a brief phone call where you can ask questions can be helpful in your decision about whether to set up an appointment or keep looking for someone.

But it is the first meeting (and probably first few meetings) that will give you firsthand experiences with a therapists style of working. This information is invaluable because you should come away with a better sense of whether or not this therapist is a good fit for you.